Dear Stray Kitty
I wish you wouldn't
run every time I try to open the door. I'm the one who's been leaving food and
milk outside for you the past three days. I'm your friend. I could bring you
into a place that has a lot more food... a place that's warm. A place without
Damn, you look
just like a smaller version of Sheba. I shall call you... Mini She.
Dear Mini She The
You're just playing
mind games with me now, aren't you? You'll *almost* come over to me, then jump
off the porch. I know you like the Tender Vittles... just remember that there's
a LOT more of that in here.
Sucker For A Cute
Dear Little Fuzzy
Well, we're making
progress. You actually let me touch you today. Well... "let" is a
little strong. You didn't run off the porch when I touched you, just scooted
away a bit. And you only hissed once. I know you know I'm the one who feeds
you. Just trust me. I won't hurt you. You know how good it feels to rub your
head on the banister? It feels even better if you let me scratch behind your
Big Old Softy-ily,
Dear Little Black
I'm sorry! I'm
sorry I brought you into the house. I know it's scary being someplace new. I
promise I'll make it up to you if you just come out of hiding. I know you're
somewhere in the cellar, unless you found a way to crawl into the walls. And
I don't even want to think about that. Please, just let me know where you are,
the girl who screwed up
Dear Little Black
Ok. I feel better
now. It seems you *did* find a way to hide in the wall, but at least you know
how to get out. Just don't stay in there, 'kay?
BTW, you're so
dirty with cobwebbs and stuff you look like a little gray kitty.
A bit relieved,
Little Black Kitty
is still hiding out in the cellar. I've seen it lately, but it won't let get
too close. I guess I brought it in too soon... shoulda waited for it to trust
me more. Oh, well... it'll come upstairs eventually.
In the meantime,
Sheba is sitting behind my butt on the computer chair. I don't think she knows
what's going on yet.
Dear Little Kitty,
Ok... so you won't
come over to me, but at least your not running and hiding when I go downstairs.
We're making progress. Now we just have to get you to come upstairs, and get
acquainted with Princess Sheba.
I tried canned
cat food last night, but the little goober was still too skittish. I think it
was Turkey in Gravy. I don't buy kitty tuna because Sheba has stinky enough
breath as it is.
I think it's just
playing now... it scoots away, but does those little tippy toes, rubbing it's
head on things, kitty flirt moves when it's walking back towards me. "Oh,
look at me! I'm so cute! But you can't catch me, because you're a big clumsy
oaf!" If I had more time this morning, I woulda caught it. I'll get it
tonight... and snap a picture.
Well, we're making
progress. You'll let me pet you and pick you up (as long as foods involved).
You even sort of come near me when I call you.
You're just terrified
of the upstairs. I don't know why. The cellar is cold, dark and stinky. Then
again, you were living under my filthy neighbor's porch, so that might seem
homey to you.
I'll be up here
with more Kitten Chow whenever you're ready.
a picture of the little poopiehead. It actually *does* have a face, but here
it just looks like a meatloaf with ears and glowing eyes. Then right after I
took the picture, it knocked over it's cup of milk. Now it's playing with the
wad of paper.
I managed to bribe
the little goober upstairs last night with food. It mostly just hangs out near
the doorway to the cellar, occassionally getting brave enough to snoop around
a bit more. Sheba spotted it last night and growled and hissed, but no altercations.
I'm not sure of
the gender, but I didn't see any peachy packaging so I think it might be a girl.
Then again, it's quite fuzzy back there. So far, I'm thinking of Pickles as
Dear Gypsy Cat,
Please be good
at the vet's tonight. And please be a girl, because I don't want to change your
name again. And honestly, you should be less afraid of Fritz and I, and more
afraid of Sheba.
Just gimme my paycheck
so I can leave, ok? I have a 45 minute ride home and I need to be at the vet's
at 4:45. And I need time to catch that little weasel and get her in her carrier.
Dear Little Gypsy,
much friendlier... at least with me. Here's a tip: The big blond guy likes you.
Don't be afraid of him. The big black cat doesn't like you. Stay away from her,
for now anyway, and especially when she's trying to eat or use the litter box.
Yer a loony. Don't
you know that cats aren't supposed to like water? They're not supposed to jump
in the tub as it's filling, nor should they sit on the edge of the tub and bat
at the water while their owner is trying to shave her legs.
And my pink bath
puff is not a kitty toy.
Weird Cat Owning-ly,
Dear Hartz Flea
& Tick Drops,
Wow. You suck.
Thanks for making me, Sheba and Gypsy all feel like shit. It's smelly, greasy,
and made my cats miserable. After reading some of the horror stories on the
web about your product, I'm glad I gave the little fuzzballs baths right away.
I need some kitty
Poor little Gypsy's
at the vet's tonight, with a respiratory infection and a really high fever.
I'm glad I trusted my gut and took her to the emergency vet instead of waiting
til Monday like my regular vet suggested. (Perhaps it's time to find a new regular
And, of course,
the little stinker would have this happen NOW. She was supposed to go in to
get fixed on Tuesday. That ain't gonna happen.
Sick Kitty's Mom,
ps... Sheba's in
hog heaven right now though. "OOOOH! I got the whole house to myself again!
MOW MOW MOW!"
Gypsy's doing much
better. Her temperature is back down to normal (it was up to 106.7!!!), and
she's off her IVs. She might come home tonight, but might have to stay another
* * * * *
You're going to
have to get your little furry self a job! You're one expensive little free cat.
Ya know... I was planning on redoing the computer room with that money.
But you're a lot
Get better soon.
I miss having my ankles attacked in the morning.
I hope you can
come home tonight. I miss you, ya little poopiehead. EAT SOMETHING, dammit!
The vet doesn't want you to come home unless you eat. I know you're scared.
It's a strange place, full of strange noises, strange people, strange smells,
and strange animals. And they're the meanies who put a thermometer in your butt
and gave you shots. But they only want you to get better. So just eat some of
their crap, and I'll give you some 9-Lives Sliced Beef & Gravy when you
get home. 'Kay?
Beef & Gravy Smells Better Than My Cooking-ily,
You did a good
job. And thanks for giving us a liquid antibiotic instead of a pill. This stuff
is a snap to give her. I don't even need help.
Lorina & Gypsy
You shithead. You're
damn lucky you're so cute and loveable. You had it all planned, didn't you?
Get deathly ill right before you were scheduled to get spayed, so we'd have
to cancel the appointment, then go into heat one week later. And the vet said
you need about three weeks to recover from the infection before you have surgery,
so we're stuck with a loud, annoying, horny cat. Oh, it was cute the first day,
with all your little mrrrrit brow noises. You sounded like a pigeon. But pissing
on the couch? That's not cute. At all.
* * * * *
I'm so glad we
* * * * *
Dear Vets of the
Howsabout a Kitty
Midol or something?
I don't think we
can take much more. The background "music" of one growling Sheba and
one "mmmmrrit brow-wow-wow" -ing Gypsy is just too much to handle.
I think we're going to have to hit the sack.
How about letting
me sleep tonight, ok?
I know you want
to watch the birds out the back door window, but ... really. Even standing on
your hind legs and craning your neck, you're not going to be able to see out
the window four feet up.
* * * * *
Thanks for being
more tolerant of Gypsy. I know she's annoying, especially since she doesn't
seem to understand that you're a girl cat, but I'm glad you're not growling
and hissing as much. As long as you two can be civil towards each other, I'll
THANK GOD you're
getting back to normal. I don't think I could have handled another day of that
brrrrrt-mowowow-ing and rolling. It's bad enough that half the women on WTP
are getting visits from Aunt Flo. I don't need a hormonal kitty on top of it
To Sleep Tonight-ily,
I think I'm going
to have a problem telling you apart soon.
The Only Way To
Get Them To Not Fight Is To Feed Them Both At The Same Time-ily,
Oh, no. Not again!!!
You were just in
heat two weeks ago. You're getting fixed on Tuesday. Did you really have to
sneak one more psychotic horny cat episode in beforehand?!
Mrittt browl? -ily
I know you're unhappy.
You're hungry and you don't trust strangers. But trust me on this one, this
will be way better than going into heat every two weeks.
I love you, ya
noisy little poop.
Brrrr MOW MOW MOWWW-ily,
* * * * *
Don't get too used
to having the place to yourself. It's only until tomorrow.
Whew! I'm glad
you're ok. I knew you would be, but I was still nervous. I can't wait to bring
you and your little bald belly home tomorrow morning.
Dear Friends of
She's home &
doing good. She doesn't seem groggy or in pain at all, since she's already ran
down the cellar, upstairs and jumped on the couch a few times.
She looks goofy,
though. The bald leg is bad enough, but her bald belly makes her look like she
has a Scarlett O'Hara waistline.
(Thank God She's
Not In Heat Anymore)