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Letters to Gypsy
March 20, 2002

01-20-2002 08:54 PM

Dear Stray Kitty Outside,

I wish you wouldn't run every time I try to open the door. I'm the one who's been leaving food and milk outside for you the past three days. I'm your friend. I could bring you into a place that has a lot more food... a place that's warm. A place without snow.

Damn, you look just like a smaller version of Sheba. I shall call you... Mini She.

Cat-ternal Instincts-ly,

01-23-2002 07:30 AM

Dear Mini She The Stray,

You're just playing mind games with me now, aren't you? You'll *almost* come over to me, then jump off the porch. I know you like the Tender Vittles... just remember that there's a LOT more of that in here.

Sucker For A Cute Face-ily,

01-24-2002 09:15 AM

Dear Little Fuzzy Stray Kitty,

Well, we're making progress. You actually let me touch you today. Well... "let" is a little strong. You didn't run off the porch when I touched you, just scooted away a bit. And you only hissed once. I know you know I'm the one who feeds you. Just trust me. I won't hurt you. You know how good it feels to rub your head on the banister? It feels even better if you let me scratch behind your ears.

Big Old Softy-ily,

01-24-2002 07:15 PM

Dear Little Black Kitty,

I'm sorry! I'm sorry I brought you into the house. I know it's scary being someplace new. I promise I'll make it up to you if you just come out of hiding. I know you're somewhere in the cellar, unless you found a way to crawl into the walls. And I don't even want to think about that. Please, just let me know where you are, ok?

the girl who screwed up

01-24-2002 07:28 PM

Dear Little Black Kitty Again,

Ok. I feel better now. It seems you *did* find a way to hide in the wall, but at least you know how to get out. Just don't stay in there, 'kay?

BTW, you're so dirty with cobwebbs and stuff you look like a little gray kitty.

A bit relieved,

01-24-2002 09:22 PM

Dear Whoever.

Little Black Kitty is still hiding out in the cellar. I've seen it lately, but it won't let get too close. I guess I brought it in too soon... shoulda waited for it to trust me more. Oh, well... it'll come upstairs eventually.

I hope.

In the meantime, Sheba is sitting behind my butt on the computer chair. I don't think she knows what's going on yet.


01-25-2002 11:14 AM

Dear Little Kitty,

Ok... so you won't come over to me, but at least your not running and hiding when I go downstairs. We're making progress. Now we just have to get you to come upstairs, and get acquainted with Princess Sheba.


01-25-2002 02:16 PM

Dear Friends,

I tried canned cat food last night, but the little goober was still too skittish. I think it was Turkey in Gravy. I don't buy kitty tuna because Sheba has stinky enough breath as it is.

I think it's just playing now... it scoots away, but does those little tippy toes, rubbing it's head on things, kitty flirt moves when it's walking back towards me. "Oh, look at me! I'm so cute! But you can't catch me, because you're a big clumsy oaf!" If I had more time this morning, I woulda caught it. I'll get it tonight... and snap a picture.


01-25-2002 06:50 PM

Dear Kitty,

Well, we're making progress. You'll let me pet you and pick you up (as long as foods involved). You even sort of come near me when I call you.

You're just terrified of the upstairs. I don't know why. The cellar is cold, dark and stinky. Then again, you were living under my filthy neighbor's porch, so that might seem homey to you.

I'll be up here with more Kitten Chow whenever you're ready.


01-26-2002 06:05 AM

Dear Friends,

Here's a picture of the little poopiehead. It actually *does* have a face, but here it just looks like a meatloaf with ears and glowing eyes. Then right after I took the picture, it knocked over it's cup of milk. Now it's playing with the wad of paper.

I managed to bribe the little goober upstairs last night with food. It mostly just hangs out near the doorway to the cellar, occassionally getting brave enough to snoop around a bit more. Sheba spotted it last night and growled and hissed, but no altercations.

I'm not sure of the gender, but I didn't see any peachy packaging so I think it might be a girl. Then again, it's quite fuzzy back there. So far, I'm thinking of Pickles as a name.

Kitty Mom-ly,

02-01-2002 11:12 AM

Dear Gypsy Cat,

Please be good at the vet's tonight. And please be a girl, because I don't want to change your name again. And honestly, you should be less afraid of Fritz and I, and more afraid of Sheba.

Kitty Mom-ly

02-01-2002 03:28 PM

Dear Boss,

Just gimme my paycheck so I can leave, ok? I have a 45 minute ride home and I need to be at the vet's at 4:45. And I need time to catch that little weasel and get her in her carrier.


02-05-2002 08:41 AM

Dear Little Gypsy,

You're getting much friendlier... at least with me. Here's a tip: The big blond guy likes you. Don't be afraid of him. The big black cat doesn't like you. Stay away from her, for now anyway, and especially when she's trying to eat or use the litter box.

Kitty Mom-ily,

02-11-2002 10:12 AM

Dear Gypsy,

Yer a loony. Don't you know that cats aren't supposed to like water? They're not supposed to jump in the tub as it's filling, nor should they sit on the edge of the tub and bat at the water while their owner is trying to shave her legs.

And my pink bath puff is not a kitty toy.

Weird Cat Owning-ly,

02-18-2002 02:21 PM

Dear Hartz Flea & Tick Drops,

Wow. You suck. Thanks for making me, Sheba and Gypsy all feel like shit. It's smelly, greasy, and made my cats miserable. After reading some of the horror stories on the web about your product, I'm glad I gave the little fuzzballs baths right away.

Fuck You-ily,

02-23-2002 09:54 PM

Dear Everyone,

I need some kitty vibes!

Poor little Gypsy's at the vet's tonight, with a respiratory infection and a really high fever. I'm glad I trusted my gut and took her to the emergency vet instead of waiting til Monday like my regular vet suggested. (Perhaps it's time to find a new regular vet...)

And, of course, the little stinker would have this happen NOW. She was supposed to go in to get fixed on Tuesday. That ain't gonna happen.

Sick Kitty's Mom,

ps... Sheba's in hog heaven right now though. "OOOOH! I got the whole house to myself again! MOW MOW MOW!"

02-24-2002 07:48 AM

Dear Everyone,

Gypsy's doing much better. Her temperature is back down to normal (it was up to 106.7!!!), and she's off her IVs. She might come home tonight, but might have to stay another night.


* * * * *

Dear Gypsy,

You're going to have to get your little furry self a job! You're one expensive little free cat. Ya know... I was planning on redoing the computer room with that money.

But you're a lot more fun.

Get better soon. I miss having my ankles attacked in the morning.


02-24-2002 06:00 PM

Dear Gypsy,

I hope you can come home tonight. I miss you, ya little poopiehead. EAT SOMETHING, dammit! The vet doesn't want you to come home unless you eat. I know you're scared. It's a strange place, full of strange noises, strange people, strange smells, and strange animals. And they're the meanies who put a thermometer in your butt and gave you shots. But they only want you to get better. So just eat some of their crap, and I'll give you some 9-Lives Sliced Beef & Gravy when you get home. 'Kay?

9-Lives Sliced Beef & Gravy Smells Better Than My Cooking-ily,

02-25-2002 07:38 PM

Dear Emergency Vets,

You did a good job. And thanks for giving us a liquid antibiotic instead of a pill. This stuff is a snap to give her. I don't even need help.

Healthy Kittily,
Lorina & Gypsy

03-05-2002 11:31 AM

Dear Gypsy,

You shithead. You're damn lucky you're so cute and loveable. You had it all planned, didn't you? Get deathly ill right before you were scheduled to get spayed, so we'd have to cancel the appointment, then go into heat one week later. And the vet said you need about three weeks to recover from the infection before you have surgery, so we're stuck with a loud, annoying, horny cat. Oh, it was cute the first day, with all your little mrrrrit brow noises. You sounded like a pigeon. But pissing on the couch? That's not cute. At all.

Scoldingly, but still Lovingly,
Momma Lorina

* * * * *

Dear Febreeze,

I'm so glad we found you!


* * * * *

Dear Vets of the World,

Howsabout a Kitty Midol or something?


03-05-2002 09:24 PM

Dear Brain,

I don't think we can take much more. The background "music" of one growling Sheba and one "mmmmrrit brow-wow-wow" -ing Gypsy is just too much to handle. I think we're going to have to hit the sack.


03-06-2002 02:58 PM

Dear Cats,

How about letting me sleep tonight, ok?


03-07-2002 03:42 PM

Dear Gypsy,

I know you want to watch the birds out the back door window, but ... really. Even standing on your hind legs and craning your neck, you're not going to be able to see out the window four feet up.


* * * * *

Dear Sheba,

Thanks for being more tolerant of Gypsy. I know she's annoying, especially since she doesn't seem to understand that you're a girl cat, but I'm glad you're not growling and hissing as much. As long as you two can be civil towards each other, I'll be happy.


03-08-2002 08:12 PM

Dear Gypsy,

THANK GOD you're getting back to normal. I don't think I could have handled another day of that brrrrrt-mowowow-ing and rolling. It's bad enough that half the women on WTP are getting visits from Aunt Flo. I don't need a hormonal kitty on top of it all.

Hopefully Able To Sleep Tonight-ily,

03-11-2002 06:42 PM

Dear Kitties,

I think I'm going to have a problem telling you apart soon.

The Only Way To Get Them To Not Fight Is To Feed Them Both At The Same Time-ily,

03-17-2002 09:21 AM

Dear Gypsy,

Oh, no. Not again!!!

You were just in heat two weeks ago. You're getting fixed on Tuesday. Did you really have to sneak one more psychotic horny cat episode in beforehand?!

Mrittt browl? -ily

03-19-2002 09:00 AM

Dear Gypsy,

I know you're unhappy. You're hungry and you don't trust strangers. But trust me on this one, this will be way better than going into heat every two weeks.

I love you, ya noisy little poop.

Brrrr MOW MOW MOWWW-ily,

* * * * *

Dear Sheba,

Don't get too used to having the place to yourself. It's only until tomorrow.


03-19-2002 03:11 PM

Dear Gypsy,

Whew! I'm glad you're ok. I knew you would be, but I was still nervous. I can't wait to bring you and your little bald belly home tomorrow morning.


03-20-2002 10:46 AM

Dear Friends of Gypsy Poopiehead,

She's home & doing good. She doesn't seem groggy or in pain at all, since she's already ran down the cellar, upstairs and jumped on the couch a few times.

She looks goofy, though. The bald leg is bad enough, but her bald belly makes her look like she has a Scarlett O'Hara waistline.


(Thank God She's Not In Heat Anymore)


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